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As I prepare to share the story of how our family came to be this Sunday at Redwood Hills, I am thinking about one of the main questions we get asked a lot: are fertility treatments consistent with Christian ethics (or more like “are Christians allowed to do that kind of thing?”)? It’s a great question, and one we have spent plenty of time wrestling with. I won’t have time to go into any detail on Sunday, so I thought I would blog it here for you three readers (yes, we are up to three now ). Let me first lay some ground rules.

This is not the Law from Heaven on fertility treatments. It’s also not my attempt to help you circumvent the process of wrestling with this question. If you are facing it, you need to. To me this is not a political issue or a morality tale, it’s simply an intensely personal choice we had to apply our faith to. We hope we got it right. We did our homework. We prayed for wisdom. We believe we were heard.

THE STORY
After trying to conceive for something like 6 or 7 years, our doctor scheduled a surgery for my wife Stacey. He had seen a couple of possible issues on an ultrasound, but needed to operate to find out what was really going on. The surgery took an hour or two longer than it was supposed to. Instead of an outpatient, go home that night event, it ended up being a several day hospital stay. And we received our first real diagnosis: Endometriosis, which had badly damaged the fallopian tubes. “I just don’t think it’s going to happen.” That was the summary.

After recovery time from the surgery, we were presented with three options: 1. Keep trying and see what happens. 2. Adopt. 3. Look into IVF (in vitro fertilization – read up on it if you are unaware of this procedure – I will refer to a lot of things without explaining them all). Since our early 30’s were passing us by quickly, we chose to discard option 1 and evaluate the other two. Both presented a long and expensive road ahead with no guaranteed outcome. In the end we decided to exhaust whatever medical options we had that were consistent with our faith. This part of the decision was fairly subjective and personal – we believe in adoption and respect those who adopt, we simply wanted to keep trying to conceive first, then pursue adoption next.

As we investigated IVF, we carefully examined each part of the process and subjected it to some tests. The main principle we judged everything by was “can this be done in a way that is consistent with the value God places on human life?” The second part was “will our actions have any unintended consequences?” Third, “is this part of the process creating life (or ‘potential life’ for those who like to split hairs)?” If so, how is that life (potential life) treated?

Another principle was what I call the “Dr. Frankenstein test.” “Is this process or procedure attempting to “play God” and mess with the natural order of Creation?”

It sounds silly, but that last one is a rhetorical minefield. In reading lots of opinions, I found that there are good Christian folk who believe most modern medicine fits the Dr. Frank definition – we are playing God by keeping people alive in general. Not being a member of a cult, I reject that, but there has to be SOME ethical limit to medical science, right? Where is the line?

Maybe I can help advance that conversation by telling you what we decided would be consistent with our faith when approaching the IVF process:

1. We felt the process in and of itself is not evil, but could be used for evil.
2. Family planning in general is a decision to create or not create life based on a couple’s will. Since we don’t believe it is is evil to choose to get pregnant or prevent this creation of life through non-destructive contraception, it is not evil on its face to pursue fertility treatments that assist in conception (drug treatments, ovulation prediction, etc.).
3. Using modern medical techniques to circumvent a damaged reproductive organ (in this case fallopian tubes) in the pursuit of restoring a normal bodily function (reproduction) is not dissimilar to the use of an artificial heart or a thousand other medical techniques we accept as ethical.
4. Embryo creation, care, and handling would be the most critical ethical decisions we made, and we insisted on working with a doctor who allowed us to make every decision related to embryos.

I have to stop here and elaborate on some specific choices we made regarding embryos. We have long held that life begins at the point of conception. We read the words of many well-respected Christian thinkers and writers who prefer to say that “potential life” begins at conception, since an embryo cannot become a viable fetus without gestating to a minimum term. They would argue that viable life is created later, possibly at implantation into the uterine wall, possibly later. I concede that important point and respect their rhetorical stance. But rhetoric and theory take a back seat when you have to deal with potential life and death decisions, and for me I think this is one of those areas where we should err on the side of caution. Science apart from faith tells us that something unique happens when two reproductive cells combine to form one organism, and it is at this point that our ethics must be well thought out and carefully considered. And there’s only so much we as fallen humans can really know. Jesus teaches us to go beyond the Law to seek out true righteous acts. So just in case, we decided to treat embryos as de facto life and accord them respect, prayer, and careful handling. This led to a few other decisions:

1. We would only allow embryos to be created from our eggs and sperm, and only for implantation, not for research or donation. On the subject of donation, we really felt that if the eggs or sperm were not viable we would essentially be “adopting” someone else’s cells, and it would be better to offer a home to a child in need of adoption than to pursue donor cells. We also were not comfortable with the idea of donating embryos, as they would then leave our protection and we would have no guarantee they would be treated ethically.
2. We would use every embryo created, no matter how many rounds of IVF this required. This was a big decision, as it is common to harvest and create from 10-15 embryos each cycle. Most of these do not reach the stage where they can be implanted, but they could. We decided that if it were in our power, no viable embryos would be destroyed.
3. We prayed that we would have the wisdom to make the right decisions and that life would be honored with our choices. We felt great peace that God had heard and we were not disobeying Him or rationalizing, so we proceeded.

These decisions led us to ask lots of questions and deal very directly with our doctors. They also closed some doors for us financially (if you are willing to donate eggs, there are programs where the recipients pay for your IVF treatment, which can cost upwards of $15,000-$30,000). We also had to be very sure the tubes were the only issue and that pregnancy was otherwise possible.

We were blessed with doctors who were not only good at what they do, but listened to our concerns and complied with our wishes. We did two rounds of IVF. Both resulted in pregnancies (twins, then a single).  Both times, the doctors were unable to locate Stacey’s left ovary, so only a limited number of eggs could be harvested. In round one, we ended up with four viable embryos. In round two we had three. In both instances we implanted all of the embryos.

Implantation is a big day in IVF. It’s basically setting the embryo down in the uterus in hopes of it finding a home to grow, just like in the normal process. The doctors do all they can to prepare the body to receive an embryo with drugs and hormones and bed rest. But in the end, they can only create the conditions where it is likely. There are no guarantees.

Before the implantation, the embryologist gives you a blown-up microscope image of the embryos. He talks a lot about science and numbers and grades and ratings, but I didn’t pay much attention. To me, I was holding my babies’ first baby pictures, and that was a weighty moment.

Embryologist Guy then leaves you to your thoughts in the hallway while the procedure is happening. Those were profound moments for me as I walked the halls, gripping that photo and committing first four, then three potential lives and their safe keeping to my Father. After all the processes and all the procedures and everything modern medicine had to offer, we still came down to a moment out of anyone’s control.We could only ask God for help.

But for me, that’s how it had been all along.

Let me close by saying this is not a manifesto or meant to be an indictment of anyone’s choices in this realm. These are hard decisions, and we all have to make them the best we can. God is gracious and compassionate and faithful to lead us through the tough decisions. This is how he lead us. Would love to hear your story.

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Christmas – the season of Bible movies on TV – like the one in the picture. Maybe because of that I have been captivated lately by Jesus’ take on the Law given to Moses. It is fascinating because He himself says that he has not come to destroy the law, but fulfill it. Many take that to mean that the rules and feasts and other observances of orthodox Judaism should be followed by Christians as well. Paul and the other Apostles did not. They understood Jesus’s meaning – that the law exists to be our teacher, and its supreme lesson is this:

There is none righteous.

Jesus came for one purpose – to fulfill the righteous requirements of the Law on our behalf. The Law was true, and just and good, but we were incapable of fulfilling it. The Law puts into writing the metaphysical reality of the universe as God created it – sin must be atoned for by the shedding of innocent blood. And  “when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons.” The single greatest truth in all of human history.

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As I told you before in this post, our family walked through ten years of barrenness before we finally had our first children. We have three now, all conceived with the help of doctors. We needed doctor help because of some specific medical conditions that made it next to impossible for us to conceive.

I say “next to impossible”, because, yes, we are now officially expecting child number 4 (next June)!

It’s fairly cliche, really. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard this story: “Our friends tried for years, then they all of a sudden got pregnant.” Whenever I mentioned to friends that we were all done having kids after three, they often poked me back with “Hey wouldn’t it be funny if you all of a sudden got pregnant?”

And it IS funny. Abraham and Sarah both laughed when God promised them a son “by this time next year.” I think I get the joke. It’s funny when you think about it – now, after all this time. After all our efforts and processes and procedures and waiting and hoping and praying and crying and believing and asking and even receiving, now.

It’s a funny thing for us to have what is by all measures a “normal” pregnancy – to not be at the doctor 2-3 times a week, fretting over every detail and number and level. To experience the relative ease of the “normal” process.

It’s funny to see the reaction of doctors, who have the empirical data on our condition. Most people know their eggo is preggo when they get two lines on the EPT. Our docs wanted to test for a whole host of other conditions first – because the LAST thing they were thinking was “baby on board.” Once it was confirmed, our baby docs wanted to send over some ultrasound pics to our fertility docs – sort of an interdepartmental “in your face.” Funny.

Of course, the most wonderful thing of all is seeing the hand of God in this miraculous moment. We will have another child because the One who holds the whole universe together decided we needed one more. And He decided to do it in just His way, in His time, and He is hilarious.

When I found out, I laughed too. Not with cynicism or doubt, but because it’s a moment that’s ironic, and perfect, and full of pure joy. And that’s been a long time coming.

Now a prayer for all those still waiting – waiting for children, or healing, or a thousand other things. May you gain strength by trusting in Jesus. May you know beyond your doubts that you are not alone, not forgotten, not cursed. May He give you the desire of your heart. In His way. In His time. And when He does, I hope you laugh!

Now let’s go with a boy this time. Four women in the house is nice, but five – not funny.    

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This may sound like a rant, or a reaction to something I saw recently. I want to assure you that it isn’t. You don’t have to believe me (I can’t prove it), but I’ve been on this journey of understanding for over ten years now, and I am just now to the point where I can talk about it intelligably.

A decade ago the Christian Church in America was at the apex of a movement to seek more relevant ways to engage our culture and put more keisters in our buildings every Sunday. That last part sounds cynical, but it’s the best way I can describe it. That was the point – to grow our attendance. And that was important, because most of us had some buildings to fill, and those gigantic mortgages don’t pay themselves. As a result, we engaged in market research and applied countless business methods to our ministries, all in the hopes of reversing what we had just then realized was a steady decline in attendance.

I won’t bore you with the details of everything that came from that, but I will oversimplify: The “seeker-sensitive” movement led to the founding of mega-churches, which led to the “emerging church” movement (define that however you like – I can’t anymore), all of which were centered around the relentless pursuit, as near as I can tell, of the answer to this question from the 90’s:

Q: How can we present the Gospel in a way that is acceptable to present-day Americans?

A: (If I may be so bold) You can’t.

 

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I don’t know why I turned on the tv in the morning 8 years ago today, September 11, 2001. I was up for an early staff breakfast, and watching the news wasn’t part of my morning routine. But I distinctly remember feeling the need to turn it on. It took me a few minutes to understand what I was seeing. A few minutes later I watched a second plane hit, then a tower collapse live. And then I knew what it was:

Evil.

There are some who disagree. They say this was justice – payback for years of American Imperialism and greed – some even say God’s judgement against us. If you want to decide what’s God’s judgement and what’s not (say for instance you’re John Piper and you like to interpret the weather), more power to you. I don’t claim that prophetic authority, and it is God’s to judge the merits of those who do. For me, one thing was abundantly clear: brutally murdering thousands of men, women, and children is evil. Cowardly, vile, despicable, murderous, and evil.

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